I need your eyes,
That teach me the values of life
And the more I think of you,
The more I realize that I do need you
I’m not sure if you know I exist
But I know I can change that in quite a bit
But I see little signs of attention
Maybe with one I can probably mention
The fact that I need you to teach me lessons
Lessons to become a better person
I need to receive your valuable light
The one that will reveal the darkness in mine
The one that a change should signify
And I need you to help me visualize
And think of you,
So several things can come in mind,
And finally my mind can realize,
The several things I like about you,
Those plenty things I love that you do
Because the more I think of you
The more I realize I do need you
And I need you to keep reserved a spot
One that I’ll take soon inside your heart
I need you to look at me with passion showing up
So the more I think of you I’ll know I must
I need your mind to contain a strategy,
A strategy to prevent my melancholy
I need you to get in your mind that you need me too
I need you to believe you like me too
Because the more I think of you
The more I realize I do need you
I need you to see this life like me,
See that without you I’m going crazy
I need you to know that you’re amazing
I need you to know you think I’m sweet
Because the more I think of you
The more I realize I do need you
The more I think of you
The more I realize I do need you
I need your eyes
I need from you discoverable signs
Signs that I will always memorize
Signs that I’ll soon decipher after some time
I need you to know that all this time,
You’ve felt the same way about you and I
I need you to know I’m incredibly kind
I need you to know I won’t let you fall behind
I need you to know I’ll be there by your side
I need you to know that with me you won’t have to hide
I need you to know that I will be your light,
And always restore your shadow till you die
Because the more I think of you
The more I realize I do need you
The more I think of you
The more I realize I do need you…
“My mom bought purple glasses.”
“Purple glasses?
“Purple glasses.”
“As in, violet? Or lilac?”
“Darker than lilac. Redder than violet. But yes, purple.”
“Wow. I can’t imagine your mom with purple glasses.”
“They’re better than purple contacts.”
“I guess so.”
“Still, they look pretty weird, I must admit.”
“That’s not a very nice thing to say about your own mother, you know.”
“You just said you couldn’t imagine my mom with purple glasses!”
“Yeah, but different is not the same as weird.”
“Sage words, Mark. But you can quit the acting.”
“Acting?”
“Acting.”
“As in, pretending? Or faking?”
“More formal than pretending. Less childish than faking. But yes, acting.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“Stop playing dumb, though you’re very good at it.”
“I plead the third.”
“You mean the fifth.”
“Funny thing about that, actually, did you know that the third amendment—”
“Stop, because I know you’re just trying to change the subject, and I’m sure whatever you were about to say was wrong anyway. So? You’re seriously going to deny that you’ve been in love with my mom for the past two years?”
“Stacy, don’t be like that…”
“Be like what? Honest?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Sorry. I forgot that such a basic human courtesy would repulse you.”
“Speaking of repulsed—”
“Do you even know what ‘repulsed’ means?”
“Well, Stacy, I’m not an idiot.”
“Really? Funny, because you sure are acting like one.”
“I can’t help my feelings, you know.”
“Oh, you’re so gross.”
“Well, don’t you have a mean streak? First you attack your mom, who is kind and beautiful and sweet and did I mention beautiful?—Ouch, those nails are sharp!—and now you attack me, your best friend?”
“First of all, you’re not my best friend. Let’s just get that clear. And how else did you think I’d react to you being in love with my mom?”
“I dunno. I guess I thought you’d just accept me as your stepfather.”
“Aha! So you admit that you’re in love with my mom!”
“Stacy, you are so annoying. And you wonder why I’m not in love with you?”
“Yeah, whatever, Mark. I gotta go. My mom’s calling me. She probably wants to hear about my day, make me a nice dinner, and maybe hold me lovingly to her bosom. Jealous, a bit?”
“You’re a freak. And, for the record, also color-blind.”
“What?”
“Those glasses are definitely not purple.”
“What?”
“I said, your mom’s glasses are not purple!”
“Stop yelling, Mark, my ears work fine!—”
“—Oh, it’s just your brain then?”
“How do you know they’re not purple?”
“Sorry, but that’s between me and your mom. Sayonara, Stacy!”
“Mark! I’m going to kill you! Sleep with one eye open!”
“Even with both of my eyes closed I’d see more than you. Please. Purple. Yeah, right.”
“My mom bought purple glasses.”
“Tell her congratulations.”
“Well, it’s not something to congratulate her about. I don’t think she actually knows that they’re purple.”
“What? You mean… she bought glasses… but she didn’t look at them?”
“No, no, she must have seen them, but I just think it’s really weird that she bought them, because she absolutely hates purple. And pink, too for that matter. Like, she refuses to buy anything in any shades of those colors, and even makes me give away pink or purple clothes that my friends buy me. So it’s just really weird that she would buy something in a color so taboo.”
“Um, maybe she changed her mind? I mean, people change all the time…”
“Not my mother. The only way that she changes is when she gets dressed in the morning.”
“Hmm. Well, then, I don’t know what to tell you. It’s not that big of a deal, is it? They’re just purple glasses, not bothering anyone.”
“No, it bothers me that she didn’t notice.”
“Oh, well. What’s done is done. Life goes on. And speaking of life going on, did you—”
“—Wait, wait. I’m not done. That was just kind of an introductory discussion of this problem.”
“Well, was it really a prob—”
“—Yes, yes. It is a problem, because, from the research I did into the past, I think it’s safe to say that we may have stumbled upon a real conspiracy.”
“A conspiracy? About your mother’s glasses? Are you serious? And wait, did you just say ‘we’ stumbled upon this so-called conspiracy?”
“Well, yeah. You’re going to help me, right? That’s what friends do. But anyways, OK. So, I know I seem slightly obsessive…”
“…No, really? Obsessive? You? Never…”
“…and your sarcasm is not appreciated, but I do think this is pretty big. Just hear me out for a second.”
“I’m listening. Although it’s not like I really have any choice.”
“No, come on. It won’t take more than five minutes.”
“Just go…”
“OK. Fine. So, the first thing that you said, that she might not have seen them, that’s possible. That’s what I started thinking about. Could it have been possible for her to have ordered one set of glasses, and then, when the doctor was putting the lenses in, he switched the frame? Then, when she sees the new glasses that my dad picked up, she’ll freak out.”
“She hasn’t seen them yet?”
“Right.”
“So… you don’t know that she actually may not care about the color?”
“Right…”
“Oh, OK. See, that part was unclear to me. I thought she already had them.”
“Oh. No. For all I know, she may think that she just bought black glasses. She hasn’t seen the final version, which my dad picked up. It was he who told me, very surprised, I will note, that they were purple.”
“Oh. Well, OK. That is sort of weird. But I seriously doubt it’s a conspiracy. The office probably mixed up the order. Or maybe you should verify first that your mom didn’t actually decide to buy purple glasses.”
“She wouldn’t. But it’s also not just a mix up. It is a conspiracy. And this is why… the doctor and my mom went to school together.”
“Um… so?”
“They went to school together, don’t you see? This means they share a past, a past probably plagued with dark secrets. They went to school together, which means—”
“—It’s a small town, with only one school. Everyone has gone to school together.”
“No, but this is what I think happened. My mom’s doctor switched the glasses deliberately, as a kind of revenge for something that happened in school. Only a fellow classmate would know my mother hates purple.”
“Something that happened… like what?”
“Who knows… it could be anything. Cheating, bullying, teasing… it really doesn’t matter. The point is that my mom’s doctor is out to get her. And that’s not good. That’s very dangerous.”
“OK, wait. Just think about it for a second. If her doctor was really out to get her, there are a million other things he could have done that would wreak far more havoc. A million. He could change the strength of the glasses and give your mom a headache. He could prescribe the wrong kind of eye drops or itchy contacts. And do you really think that he would risk being charged with malpractice or something, just to avenge a ridiculous childhood incident?”
“You’ve never met him. The guy is insane.”
“Well, sorry. I don’t know what to tell you. You’re being absolu—”
“—Wait, my mom’s calling me. Hold on a second.”
“Uh, huh.”
“Hello? Hi, mom. Hi. Yes, of course it’s me. What? Oh, nothing. Just talking with Sandra. Yep. Yes, I’m sure she’s fine. No, I didn’t ask her, but I’m sure she is. Mom! Mom. Seriously… OK, fine. Hey, Sandy? My mother wants to know how you’re doing.”
“Oh, fine.”
“She said she’s fine, Mom. See? …Yeah. No. No. No. No. Yes. No. Maybe. Maybe. No. I don’t know! Yes, he called me. Uh, huh. Yeah. Wait, what? What do you mean, ‘drop-off’? I thought they were yours. Well, yeah. Yes, that’s exactly what I said! I know; I was completely confused. Yes, that’s exactly what I was telling Sandy! Oh. Really? Oh. Well, I thought — OK, OK. If you have to go, go. Are you calling Dad or do I need to? You will? OK, see you in a moment…”
“Well? How is your mother?”
“Fine.”
“Really? Did you ask her?”
“Ha, ha, ha, Sandy. Sorry about that. She can obviously be neurotic at times.”
“Like mother, like daughter… but never mind. So what was that whole thing about a drop-off?”
“Oh. OK. Well, don’t say, ‘I told you so’, but my dad wasn’t picking up the glasses for my mom. They were for one of my mom’s friends, for whom she had promised to pick up glasses. Or, rather, she had promised that my dad would do it, because he works right next to the doctor’s office, and my mom’s friend lives far away.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yeah. Hard to believe…”
“Actually, it’s not… I just meant, that, you know, after all this debate and speculation, that’s the real story… Oh, and I know I already said it once, but I have to say it again.”
“What?”
“Tell your mom congratulations.”
“Um, why?”
“For having a daughter just as neurotic and obsessive as she is.”
You don’t know me
So who are you to judge
Who I am and Who I’m not?
Dont try to break me because I wont budge.
You don’t know me
So who are you to assume
You think I am perfect and know it all?
You dont know my life, give me some breathing room.
You don’t know me
So who are you to argue?
You dont know what I do and dont believe
Dont believe ALL that you hear, we all have our own views.
Dont bother me
With what you think of me
If you get to know me first
The real me you could see.
Dont bother me
With thinking I’m on a high pedastool
I’m in a deeper mess then you could ever think
I just try and play it cool.
So dont bother me
With what you think i believe
Come up and ask me first
Rather then be deseved.
Let me give you the world
-hold it between you finger,
feel it beat with life.
Let’s create and Apocalypse, you and I.
Let’s burn their world down to molten ash.
Watch it burn to the ground in fiery blast.
Hear the children cry.
Let’s create an Apocalypse, you and I.
Let me shatter their dreams
-and give you their lives.
In exchange, you can hold me tight,
with the world at our feet.
Let’s create an Apocalypse.
-dedicated To Chase Y.
Good News!
The literary magazine, Catharsis, is taking submissions now- March 5th. You can download an application by clicking HERE. Then bring the form with your work to room 318.
My heart begins to pounds faster and faster
as you walk in the classroom.
I try to avoid eye contact
I feel my heart go BOOM BOOM!
Problem is that sometimes
I believe that is it too good to be true,
“What? are you crazy?
He said he loves you”
said my friend Cindy.
I wanted to believe her,
I wanted to scream “YES!”
But I guess I’ll always hide
behind his favorite yellow dress.
Will I ever get to hear his voice speak to me
or will it stay a mystery?
I heard it once,
in the one class we had together, History.
Victoria had been selfish since the day she was born, just like her mother. She knows what she wants and how to get it (from Daddy). Born in New York City into the never-ending wealh of her family, all she knows is parties and fashion. She is just beginning to realize the emptiness of her life. She is single, unhappy, vapid, and unemployed. The only future she has to look forward to is gold digging and boredom.
Victoria had been sitting at home doing absolutely nothing when her mother walked in from, of course, shopping and began to attack her with questions.
“Hello mother,” commented Victoria indifferently and almost annoyed.
“Victoria what are you doing?”
“Sitting, waiting for my 3:00 shopping routine.”
“Of course dear but that is not what I meant. What are you doing with your life?’
“Don’t start mother I can barely stand you when you are being nice to me.”
“What you need to do is find yourself a rich man.”
“That is on Friday and Saturday mother. I have not missed a weekend in months.”
“But you are so beautiful. Look at you with dark hair, light eyes, fabulous complexion, and always wearing the most beautiful clothes and jewelry. Your father and I have given you everything and you have grown up in New York City, the best city in the world aside from Paris. What more do you need?”
“Right now I need a drink and the limo. I am off to Saks and to get away from you. Maybe there I will meet a man to get me away from here like you want. Goodbye mother.”
Victoria walked out with her nose high in the air as her mother ignored the situation as if it never happened.
The next day Victoria went off to lunch to meet Janette, her so called “best friend”. She was still angry, but also excited that she would at last have something new to tell her friend. Twenty minutes passed before she arrived at the most luxurious over-priced bistro and, as did all the minutes in her life, they felt like centuries. Victoria’s greatest fear was that she would become her mother, submissive and irritating, and that time would go by so slowly that the only way to end it would be to kill herself.
She stepped out of the car in her 6-inch, 900 dollar shoes and met her friend inside. Janette was always ten minutes early, despite how impossible that is in New York. Janette looked the same as usual, all in black, freakishly tall and skinny, long straight black hair, and green eyes with no makeup on. Victoria envied Janette’s ability to go around with the beauty and confidence to wear not a touch of makeup.
“Well hello giraffe,” said Victoria jokingly, but with a hint of animosity in her tone.
“Hello spoiled brat. So sit and tell me everything about what happened with your father.”
“So listen to this Janette. I am at Giorgio’s getting a new custom dress when on my blackberry I recieve an e-mail from my father. It says that he decided I either get a job, get married, or take my trust fund money and leave and I get three months to decide.”
“I don’t know if your father is going through a mid-life crisis or just going insane; what will you do if he is serious about this Victoria?”
“I have no clue but this is not doing good things for my complexion. I have really been backed into a corner here and I don’t really know how I will get out quite yet. I am just so put off because he probably has not even considered what this is doing to me or how he is making me feel. He is so selfish and he always has been. What a typical man. I would just take my money and leave but with my lifestyle the trust fund will have me living in a cardboard box after six months. Anyway what do you think I should do?”
This was the first time Victoria had to make a decision about her own life and she was trying to pass the choice on the Janette. She had no confidence for someone so arrogant and, for the first time, she felt nervous. Everything up until now had been predictable and expected. She felt blindsighted. Victoria had no idea what lie ahead and that terrified her.
“Just marry any Tom, Dick, or Harry with a fat wallet. I mean you don’t have time to be picky. That’s what I would do but do what feels right,” replied Janette quickly and indifferently. “Anyway darling I really am so sorry for your dilemma but you will get through it. I must go I’m late for my therapy session. Goodbye and good luck.”
“Thank you dear. We will talk later on.”
After Janette left Victoria to finish her lavender tea with no sugar by herself, a sudden wave of extreme anger and determination crashed over Victoria. Another first for her, she felt an extreme emotion, passionate hatred. Victoria stood up straight and stomped to the the car, then ordered the driver to take her to her father’s office immediately…
I lay here motionless under the sheet of darkness.
The rain pours out of the sky tonight, reminding me of all the tears that have hit the floor of hope of your return.
Your return yet remains a mystery to all mankind.
Your eyes make the adrenaline run through my veins, sending chills down my back just thinking of how your words could pull the carpet of my feet in an instant.
You were my everything. Like my first breath in the morning, the sun breaking through my eyelids, the rain to my flowers, the stars to my solar system, my world.
But now that you are gone I’m just rotating in circles with nothing to revolve around to.
(This is a short piece of a long memoir I did in 2007 but updated a little bit.)
The gentle currents of the ocean felt so calming on my skin as I twirled around, letting my hair dance with them created a warming sensation that filled my body. Being a mermaid princess let me live the good life. Instead of being limited to few pleasures and places to roam, I had the power to all activities as long as I stayed in my kingdom. The neighboring kingdom, Euphoria, had a bad reputation for torturing foreigners, even if they were royalty.
My palace was beautiful. Made of the rarest coral in the most vibrant of colors, it was truly fit for a king. Although the courtyard was said to be the most admirable place in the palace, I preferred my room. It had a balcony where I could see my school and, the palace gardens. It was an oval room and I slept in a purple oyster shell that all my friends envied for it’s unusual shape that allowed for more tail room.
I swam my way over to my father’s throne where I passed the guard. Others might think he was an aggressive arrogant fish but in truth, he was actually a reserved sweet guy.
I arrived at the door leading to his throne, taking a deep breath, walked in. His booming voice made me shiver when he greeted me but I strutted in with a fearless façade. I glared at him detesting his arrogance. I was an only child so I would be taking the throne and anybody who had met my father and I always thought the same; I would turn out to be just like him. I hated these words and vowed never to live up to them.
Forced to speak formally with him at all times because he was the king, I said, “Father, I am leaving the castle to meet a few friends. Is this all ok? I asked stiffly.
“I suppose it is,” he said passively, and then scolding he said, “ Be back in time for supper.”
I swam away swiftly and was out of the castle as fast as was appropriate on royal grounds.
*
“Katy! I’m so happy to see you. Where have you been? I said enthusiastically.
“Oh sweetie, if only you knew how great it’s been. Away from this place makes me feel alive again, she said in a dazed state.
I looked at her strangely because she was acting so bizarre. Why was she so calm?
“Look, I have o go for now. But I’ll be back and you’ll meet somebody I know you’ll love,” said Katy singing her words. She swam away clumsily and I watched her leave, perplexed at her strange behavior.
When I got back into the castle the mood seemed more severe. I immediately suspected my father’s temper.
When I went to sit down at the opposite end of the table I saw him gripping his shell in an attempt to pulverize it. My mom was sitting to his right looking quite pleased with herself. She looked at me and her smile grew.
Oh no, I thought, he probably found out she has a lover. My mind had played out this scenario over and over, each time my father reacted differently but my mother always bore that same look of success. My stomach turned and the food that was being served didn’t look any more appetizing than the coral centerpiece.
My mother was the first to break the tension as she addressed my father, “Oh sweetheart, we haven’t had grouper in so long and I know it’s your favorite so put that shell in your hand to good use and eat.”
My father hated to be told what to do and my mother knew it, so when he shouted in his deep voice she wasn’t shaken.
“You are my wife! You do not and never will have the authority to tell me what to do!” he shouted to his food. He couldn’t make eye contact with her, she had ashamed him.
My mother tried to suppress a laugh but a giggle slipped her lips and he didn’t miss it. He jerked his head and looked straight into her soul, “Are you laughing at me? Mocking me? You are an unfaithful shame to this kingdom and do not deserve the kindness I have bestowed upon you.” He whispered this and it had an affect on her. Her smile vanished and was replaced with a stunned expression.
My father rose from the table and threw down his shell. My mother picked hers up, her hand shaking from the shock.
I swallowed a bite of my food but almost chocked so I just snuck away feeling sick.
I lied down in my oyster and tried to forget about what had just happened when I hear Katy slapping her tail on my window. She looked even more dazed than the last time I had seen her, and now she had brought a friend. He was built and his tail was a burnt orange color. His black hair contrasted well against his green eyes and, when I met them I couldn’t help but smile. Katy noticed the instant connection and winked at me. I climbed out my window to meet them feeling rebellious.
“This is Connor,” said Katy, “He’s going to take us somewhere where all your troubles swim away.”
His face was sincere and I trusted him so I just blindly nodded my head and followed their lead. We darted from column to column hoping to be hidden by the shadows of the setting sun. Once we were off palace grounds I felt safer but still had a nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach.
“Ok princess, I’ll be taking you somewhere secret so that means we’ll have to blind fold you until we get there. Don’t worry it’ll only take until night fall to arrive.
Still mesmerized by his eyes, I nodded my head and allowed myself to be blindfolded by two starfish. I came in and out of consciousness for a little while afterwards until I was fully asleep on the back of a seahorse.
When the gentle rhythm of the water as we pushed against the current stopped I awoke to find myself still blindfolded and surrounded by a much more carefree atmosphere. I unstuck the starfish and I looked around the place. It was beautiful, in a non-glamorous way. What stunned me was the lack of guards around the palace. Well, if a couple of columns and a giant jellyfish connecting them all with a throne in the middle is a palace.
The type of merpeople impressed me in this kingdom. They were all so calm and had the same dazed look Katy and Connor had. I stepped off my seahorse to see Katy and Connor talking and laughing to a couple. I caught Katy’s eyes and she called me over. I uneasily slowly swam over to the unfamiliar people knowing that they were analyzing my every move.
“Hey princess,” said Connor smiling sweetly, “Welcome to Euphoria.”
My heart might have stopped beating when he said that. Euphoria? My father had always warned me of the evil demons who lived for the torture of visitors, especially royal ones.
Seeing as I was dumbstruck, Katy laughed in her natural bubbly way, and told me, “Sweetie, this place is fine. There are no ‘evil demons’. Those stories are just an example of the oppression of creativity back at home. This place is fun and it’s full of life. Wipe that look off your face and meet our new friends Hannah and Jeremy.”
This didn’t calm me down one bit but I swallowed down the lump in my throat and said hello to their friends. They continued their conversation but all I could think about were my father’s stories about Euphoria and all that I had been indoctrinated to fear.
I felt numb. My glance skittered from the empty throne to the unusual kelp growing near the coral trees and then to the faces of Hannah and Jeremy. I was just waiting for them to attack me with seawhips and pufferspines, but it never came. They left and Connor asked how I like the kingdom. I shook myself out of my comatose state and answered concisely, “I need to get out of here.”
He laughed, “Oh princess don’t you understand? This place is great. Don’t you feel the blissful mood? This doesn’t exist at home.”
I let my guard down and my shoulders droop. I let myself feel the environment and Connor was right, this place was so much better than home.
“It’s so…happy here,” I finally admitted out loud to them.
Katy let out a squeak of glee, “Oh princess I’m so glad you like it. Now try the kelp.”
I looked at the unusual kelp I had been throwing darted glances at before. It looked suspicious but seemed to give off an inviting vibe so I reluctantly agreed.
“Princess, you’re going to enjoy this moment,” Connor said as I took the kelp from Katy’s hand and put it in my mouth to savor. The taste was unexplainable. It wasn’t that I tasting, I was feeling and it was great.
I swallowed it and, Katy and Connor were waiting eagerly for my reaction. But I didn’t have time to say it was good or that I loved it because in that second it went down my throat, I was sent spiraling through a different dimension where normality had no meaning and no single person ruled the sea. The ocean was mine for the taking and I traveled everywhere. I met so many interesting creatures and that regular droll of a day was nonexistent. Of course, this was not the real deal. I figured that one out when I faded back into reality and Connor was carrying my to my oyster. As my eyes flickered I saw him put me down, smile at me, and leave quickly through my window.
*
The next morning I woke up feeling the dread in the water. All was not well in the palace and I didn’t want to partake in it. I had found bliss for once in my life. I wasn’t letting that go easy.
I stormed past the guards and swam to my father with my speech ready for him, but when it came time to act, I failed. The mood of the room suppressed all my individuality and freethinking. I was back to where I was; oppressed and misunderstood by all in the kingdom. I could only treasure that one moment of happiness and the explosion of creativity in my brain. Every scale on my tail was on fire and every hair on my scalp was tingling when I had been thrown into another dimension by that magic kelp. For once I felt free and all my insecurities had been turned to sand; indistinguishable and nearly impossible to single out. I had felt love and depression, stress and freedom, sadness and joy all at the same time. Never again could I feel that way. The kingdom was full of greed and materialism. The greatest achievement was to lie with the queen and to serve the king. Noting was done from the goodness of their hearts. Their motivations were nothing but selfish.
Now that I have experienced another way of life I can’t go back to the anguish of having to wake up everyday in a palace of grandeur. I can’t deal with the formality between my father and I. I can’t sit through dinner with an attention seeking mother or a father who hides behind his title.
As I leave the room unnoticed by my father, I shiver from the cold heartedness in the air molecules from all the creatures of this kingdom. I come to the sudden realization that I do not have to be here. I do not have to live in this hellhole. I can go back to Euphoria and eat kelp all day while having a good time with Katy and Connor.
As this thought crosses my mind Katy is floating a few feet away from me and when she sees me looking at her she swims over as fast as possible.
“Princess, you are not allowed in Euphoria any longer. They have found out you are the daughter of Neptune and are not happy. They think you had come to spy on them and plan the assassination of the prince!” she said without once taking a breath.
The room suddenly got a lot colder and the seconds seemed to move slower. I felt alone, and stranded in the middle of a desolate cave. My tail turned from fuchsia to dark blue. It meant my soul couldn’t function under the immensely depressive environment I had been living in for the last 17 revolutions. My soul was dying. Katy’s face showed her alarm but she knew she could do nothing about it. Her eyes turned red and flowed pink liquid. The lighter the shade the sadder the mermaid; pink was the lightest.Now I would be what my father had become, a soulless being. I guess I truly did live up to becoming what my father is.
